Who The Hell Is This?? My Self Discovery

What a great question. It appears that there is a new Karen in town and unless I’ve lost count she is Karen11, The Brave.

Honestly, I see that photo and watch the video and I think “Why does that woman look so familiar but seem so foreign to me”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHOLf2oQyBE

This past winter I, at first reluctantly, participated in an emerging women’s speaking platform. It is aptly called –

Speak Boldly, http://www.speakboldlyshowcase.com.

The premise is to give women supportive space to stand up and tell their story to an audience. For me this is bone chilling and out of the range of every Karen at the table. Something I have always successfully avoided. But the platform, mostly its founder Lorraine Connell | @peersnotfears, inspires a confidence that is remarkable and understated. I’m not even sure she knows how much she radiates. And I have found that this can be addicting.

Those who speak are women who have stories that have likely been hidden forever just waiting to be heard. We, yes we, believe that our feelings, our histories, our desires and our messages don’t have to be explained with exquisitely detailed words, practiced to exhaustion and as a result not authentic.

Instead we speak with raw emotion even when we may not think we are ready or will ever be. The fear that comes with it, typically providing an easy way out, is shoved aside and we do it anyway.

And this is what really matters to the listener. The words are straight from the heart and the authenticity of the story reaches the listener deeply – just maybe striking a nerve with them. Maybe eliciting a thought like this “Wow, I totally relate to that”.

Then there’s me.

As I considered doing this, the fear would be overwhelming and typically cause me to say “Hell no. I am NOT doing THAT”. The opportunity was out of the blue and frankly scared the shit out of me. But – and here’s the magic of the firehorse galloping me into action – I did it anyway.

All of this is to say that out of this experience has emerged a new Karen. One who is probably still afraid but is willing to overcome the fear and do what scares her.

To put the fear on the side burner and step into something imperfect but authentically me. Forget about hiding behind the illusion of who I think I should be. Or just plain hiding. But being honest about who I am – flaws and all. And being proud of it. Even the scary, insecure, imperfect part. Owning it all. And sharing it. Why? Because I think I have something to share that might resonate with others.

But. . . . Naturally there is always a but.

While considering the opportunity, this is what is rolling around inside my head:

Shut up and sit down. You have nothing of value to share with anyone. No one cares.Omg stop. Who do you think you are? Don’t be so self important.You will surely embarrass yourself, forgetting what you are trying to say, looking foolish.Remember who you are – someone who watches from the back, hiding so as not to be seen or heard.Start running. NOW.Everyone will be rolling their eyes and laughing at you.You fooled them once but twice. Come on.

With love, Karens 1 – 10……..

These are of course the voices of all the Karens. Battling it out. Each one just trying to protect the pack. I’ll be honest and admit that I did say “Yes, you are all right. I’m getting off the train before it leaves the station.”

But then I thought about – well, a lot of things – but primarily the idea that this is a time of change. Yes, the firehorse again. Take what is an unnatural step for you and move forward.

And when I asked myself, “What is the worst that could happen?”, the answer was – “If you don’t do this – you will regret it”.

If there is one thing I can say about my life, it is that regardless of all of my decisions, the seemingly wrong turns, the hurt, the anger, I have never regretted a thing. And I don’t want to start now.

So, I tuned the voices out and did it. And guess what. What I felt was freedom and maybe the beginning of an addiction. We’ll see how that goes but the point is that rising above the fear and all the voices was empowering. Even though I’m pretty sure my voice cracked and I stumbled a bit, I left our makeshift stage feeling like I couldn’t believe I did that and it felt pretty good.

So welcome to the table Karen11. Let’s see how far she goes.

Listen to Karen Speak Boldly and take a brave step into a new world here.